Relationship Communication Exercise

March 21, 2020

Relationship Communication Exercise

Maybe your wedding has been postponed, it’s rubbish. Are you stuck at home with relatives? Maybe you and your partner are spending more time together than you ever have.
At a time like this we are all under immense pressure and stress. Throw your nearest and dearest into that mix and things are bound to get scratchy.
I am going to share a relationship communication exercise which myself and my husband were taught years ago. It has become something we do every week without fail. It helps us reconnect with each other and open up the floor for honest communication.

I have given it to many friends over the years and now I want to share it with you all. Because incorporating this simple tool into your life right now could make the next few weeks or months of isolation with your partner or family so much easier. You will grow together and when that wedding date / release back into the world comes around you will be stronger than ever.

Please note, the first time we did this is felt a bit weird and forced but the more you practice it, the more it becomes normal. Ok, here we go.

Appreciations

We start off with taking it in turns to list the things we appreciate and love about each other. Even if it is something small like a cup of tea or a hug. By starting off on a positive note everyone feels loved and safe. It’s also a useful exercise to remind ourselves what we love about the others in our life rather than focusing on the petty irritations which arise when we spend a lot of time in each other’s company.
This is also a chance to air any areas where you feel like you deserve appreciation. This really helps ease any building resentments for (always having to do the washing up) insert your own grievance here.

New Information

This is where we fill each other in on what is going on in our lives. Be it plans for what we are going to eat that week, childcare, what films we want to watch. You could also use this time to talk about the world news so that it doesn’t seep into every conversation you have.

Puzzles

Here we get deep and have the chance to ask each other any questions we may have. Something like ‘how are you feeling with all the change that is going on?’ or ‘how is your anxiety?’. This part of the exercise welcomes emotional talk and gives us a chance to really open up. If you’re stuck for a question, try asking your partner something you would like to be asked, then request that they do the same.

Complaints and wishes for change

This is where we bring up anything that has been annoying us about the other person. The beauty of this relationship communication exercise is that it is structured in a way that there are no surprises. So when you get to this section you both know you might say something negative but it alleviates the feeling of attack because it is expected.

Hopes wishes and dreams

Here is where we discuss everything we wish for in the coming weeks / months / years. It’s a lovely chance for a bit of escapism planning that dream holiday or home. We all need to feel uplifted and hopeful right now so don’t hold back on those beautiful wishes.

We have found this relationship communication exercise has completely transformed the way we talk with each other and has improved our connection immeasurably. When things are a bit tense all we have to say is ‘shall we do a check in?’ and we both know we are about to be heard, appreciated and loved.

Over the years we have tweaked the format of this exercise and I suggest you do too. Work it in a way that feels comfortable and right for you.
So this evening, crack open a bottle of wine, turn off all distractions and take time to reconnect your relationships. I promise you will be so grateful that you did.

I am no relationship expert but if you have any questions at all or comments on this I would love to hear them, please get in touch.